


The Red Letter

by Autumns_Slumber



Series: Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mischief, Parody, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 11:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6752038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumns_Slumber/pseuds/Autumns_Slumber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Weasley Twins are at it again, and this time, they're pranking the entire school! They've created a special treat for Valentine's...and Harry winds up in the thick of it when the project backfires...or does it? First in the Weasley Wizarding Wheazes series. Written for Valentines Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Red Letter

**Part One: Pieces of Parchment**  
  
***********************

  
  
_To Our Wonderful Friend Harry!  
  
Hey mate! Fred and George here. Thanks again for that money, the business is really booming now, but we need your help with advertising our stuff at Hogwarts [apparently the students believe they'll get in trouble buying our stuff! Where would they get that idea?]. So we've sent you a package of our latest product! There's one hundred of them, so try giving them to several of the houses. Oh and don't forget to use one for yourself!  
  
The Twins_  
  
That was the letter Harry received yesterday, and this morning came a large, heavy box carried by several owls and dropped onto his plate during breakfast. Needless to say that had drawn the attention of almost everyone at their table and several from some of the other tables. Harry peered at it curiously. He didn't want to open it. In fact, he was terrified of opening it. Whatever the Weasley twins had sent him, it couldn't possibly be good for his health.  
  
"Well open it, mate!" Ron exclaimed when Harry merely stared at the package. Several others around them nodded and encouraged him.  
  
"Alright..." Harry eyed the package. It looked so innocent.  _Here's hoping I don't get my hand bit off,_  Harry thought as he reached out and untied the twine holding the package together. He pulled back the brown paper to reveal...one hundred red and pink envelopes.   
  
Harry blinked. He looked up to find everyone staring at the envelopes with equally puzzled expressions on their faces. Hermione, leaning over to get a closer look, asked, "What is it, Harry? The top one has your name on it."  
  
"I don't know. Fred and George sent it," Harry said as he picked up the top envelope, which had his name on it. Glancing at the one beneath it, he noted it wasn't labeled. Sighing resignedly, Harry opened the envelope and pulled out the parchment that was folded neatly within.  
  
"Read it aloud, Harry," Ron urged.  
  
"Um, okay." Harry eyed the paper warily, still expecting it to explode or something, before reading aloud, "Dearest Harry, on this the day two days before the day of love, we the Weasley twins send you the newest invention by yours truly."  
  
"Oh, no," Dean Thomas groaned.  
  
"Shush. Read on, Harry," Hermione encouraged.  
  
"Right. Um...As we stated in our letter, we'd like you to hand out our product to several students from various houses. The way it works is this: Each envelope holds a piece of blank parchment. The parchment is enchanted--"  
  
"Of course," Dean groaned.  
  
"So that when one writes on it, it will go to that persons true love--"  
  
"What? That's ridiculous!" Hermione scoffed.  
  
"Shush, 'Mione!" Ron scolded, eyes alight with interest. "Continue, mate."  
  
"Erm...It will go to the person the letter truly belongs to, not to whom it's intended for. Red means true love, pink means casual fling. All you have to do is give a red or pink envelope to whoever wants one, and tell them to write a love letter on the parchment held within. When they are done, they have to put the letter back in the envelope and seal it, then write their name on the front of the envelope. The ink will sink into the envelope and the envelope will fly to whomever is the person's most suited match on Valentines Day. Then, if that person wants to meet up with them, the envelope will lead them to the person who sent it." Harry looked up. Everyone was staring at him.  
  
"That's bloody brilliant," Ron exclaimed, grinning.  
  
"Hm...casual fling? I'd be up for one of those," Seamus said with a mischievous look in his eyes.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "You cannot possibly be serious. There is no way that it would work. How would it know who to go to? It doesn't make any sense. This is just another of their clever tricks."  
  
"Um, there's more," Harry said, blushing. "P.S. Tell Hermione it  _does_  work and if she doesn't believe it she should try it herself just to prove us wrong. Give her a red one."  
  
Ron burst out laughing. "There you go, 'Mione! Prove them wrong!"  
  
Hermione hmphed. "Maybe I will!" She snatched a red envelope from the pile brazenly.  
  
Harry gaped at her. "You're really going to try it?"  
  
"It won't work so I have nothing to worry about," Hermione stated firmly as she tucked the envelope between the pages of her Arithmancy text.  
  
"Well I think it might be fun," Ron said, glaring at her.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Well of  _course_  you would."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?!"  
  
"Would you two stop?" Harry pleaded, rolling his own eyes in exasperation. He grabbed a red envelope and thrust it at Ron. "Here, you try it if you think it'd be fun."  
  
"Red?! What if I don't want to meet my true love yet?" Ron said, gaping in horror at the envelope.  
  
"Oh, come off it. It's just another of your brothers pranks," Seamus said, reaching over to take a pink envelope. "Still, it'd be interesting!"  
  
"So, I guess I have to hand these out?" Harry asked uncertainly.  
  
"Appears so, mate. Just make sure none of the Slytherins get any! No telling what would happen  _then_ ," Ron commented as he picked up the red envelope that had been thrust at him.  
  
Harry grinned. "Like I'd give any to them?" He glanced around, noting the attention their group was getting. "Anyone else want one?"  
  
"I'll take a red one," Lavender Brown said hesitantly. Harry passed one down to her.  
  
"Can I have a pink one?" asked Colin Creevey uncertainly. Harry nodded and passed one over to him.  
  
Harry spent the better part of the day handing out envelopes between classes. Word, apparently, spread fast in the school because students from the other houses that he didn't even know approached him to get an envelope. He handed them over readily enough, though he absolutely refused to give envelopes to any first and second years. He had morals, after all. He didn't think first and second years were old enough for true love yet.  
  
By the time it was time to go to bed, he'd given out a little over half of the envelopes. Even Dean Thomas had relented and taken one. When Ginny had come to ask him for a red one shyly, he'd felt a bit of a tug at his heart. He didn't know what he thought of Ginny, his best friends' sister, finding her true love.  
  
_Gee, and I wonder why. I've only had a crush on her since the beginning of the year,_  he reminded himself dismally as he prepared for bed. He'd already come to terms with the crush, but he hadn't acted on it yet. He was too worried about what Ron would think, and if Ginny still liked him. He'd known she had had a crush on him for the better part of the past several years, but this year she hadn't been so obvious about it.  _Probably because of Cho last year,_  he thought.  _Totally screwed that one up, didn't I?_  
  
Harry sighed and put the envelopes in his trunk for tomorrow. He hesitated before closing the lid... _Maybe..._ He picked out a red envelope, tucked it further in the trunk and slammed the lid shut.

**************************

  
  
Somehow, though the school was abuzz with interest about the mysterious "Love Letters," no word had managed to get to the teachers. Or at least that's what Harry thought. None of them made any comments, and Dumbledore didn't summon him to his office, as he'd been sure he would be. The Headmaster didn't really approve of the twins selling their products in school, and yet somehow the twins always managed to make deliveries. So this new wave of Weasley products couldn't possibly be helping the matter, and yet so far he hadn't gotten in trouble for it. Harry wasn't sure how long his luck would last.  
  
He went about the day getting stopped by various students yet again, most of whom he didn't even know. He'd been prepared to turn down several Slytherins, but surprisingly none approached him. He was relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with the conflict. Not even  _Malfoy_  approached him, though he was sure the blonde had to have heard about the envelopes by now. The rest of the school seemed to, after all. Yet the blonde acted like he did every day: A complete prick. The glares were no more hostile, nor were the snide remarks or sneers.  
  
Harry didn't really get time to feel relieved since quite suddenly he found he was out of envelopes, and three more Hufflepuffs had just asked for pink envelopes. "Um...sorry, I'm out..." Harry felt sorry for the girls, since they were clearly very disappointed. He reassured them that yes, if they sent an owl to Fred and George, it might make it before tomorrow and the twins might send them envelopes. With that thought in mind, the girls rushed off to the owlery and Harry sighed.   
  
"Potter!" shrieked a voice.  
  
Harry turned to see none other than Pansy Parkinson, glaring, stomping towards him. He blinked. "Um...what?"  
  
"Give me a red envelope!" the girl demanded as she came to a stop in front of him.  
  
Harry blinked, then scowled.  _So much for my luck,_  he thought. "No way."  
  
Pansy positively  _seethed_. "Potter, this is no time for petty differences! I  _need_  a red envelope!"  
  
Harry quirked a brow, amused. "Why do you need one?"  
  
Pansy's eyes narrowed. "That's  _none_  of your business. Just fork over the envelope!"  
  
Harry smirked and shook his head. "I'm not giving any to any  _Slytherins_  and even if I were, I'm all out."  
  
"Pink, then, I don't care just give me a bloody envelope!" Pansy said impatiently, arms crossing her chest.  
  
Harry scowled. "I said I'm out. Of  _any_  envelopes."  
  
"Damn it, Potter, just give me the bloody thing!" she shrieked.  
  
"No can do,  _so_  sorry," he said sarcastically.  
  
Pansy turned red. She glared heatedly...then suddenly grinned. "Fine! I'll just have to bully one from someone else, then!"  
  
Harry scowled again. "Don't do that. I really don't have one, there's no reason for you to bully someone else into giving you theirs. Besides, they don't work if you do that," Harry said quickly, trying to dissuade the girl.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because...it's a love letter, therefore if you  _forcefully_  take one, it negates the love, right?"  
  
Somehow that seemed to get through the girls brain. She scowled fiercer. "Fine! I'll  _sweetly_  persuade someone into  _donating_  their envelope to me."  
  
Harry sighed, seeing no out, and shrugged, "Do whatever you want."  
  
"Fine! I will!" and she stomped off in a huff.  
  
Harry sighed again and shook his head. Now he had a headache. He dragged himself to Gryffindor tower and was completely taken aback when the portrait of the Fat Lady swung open to reveal...practically all the Gryffindors crowding in random groups, writing letters. Harry blinked as he stepped into the common room. Everyone who had an envelope was writing his or her letter tonight. Several thanked him profusely as he made his way to where he saw Ron and Hermione sitting in a corner, arguing with one another. Dumping his books on the floor, Harry joined them.  
  
"...and you're the bloody one who wanted to prove them  _wrong_!"  
  
"And I still  _do_  but on the  _rare_  chance that this  _does_  work I want this letter to be good! It's my possible true love, after all!" Hermione retorted hotly.  
  
"Writing that  _sappy_  stuff isn't going to impress him!" Ron retorted right back with a look of disgust.  
  
"Er...am I intruding?" Harry asked cautiously.  
  
"NO!" the two shouted at the same time. Then they glared at each other.  
  
"Um...on second thought, I'm going upstairs to write my letter," Harry muttered as the two started shouting at each other again. He snatched up his books and fled to the sixth year boy's dorm. Dumping the books in his trunk, he pulled out the red envelope. He sat on his bed and turned it over in his hands, examining it.  
  
"This is supposed to find my true love?" He really couldn't believe it, to be honest. He wasn't a genius like Hermione, but even  _he_  doubted it was possible for a piece of paper to know who his true love is. Still, it was an intriguing idea, and what harm could it do? It might be fun to see who the parchment thought he should be with.  
  
Nodding to himself, he picked up his quill and inkpot and began writing.

 

*************************

 **Part Two: The Delivery**  
  
*******************************

  
  
The next morning the Great Hall was abuzz with commotion. Everyone had finished their letters last night, and the letters had flown off to...wherever they had gone. Nobody as of yet had received a letter. The tension was, unsurprisingly, rather high. Even those who hadn't sent a letter where anxious, wondering if they would instead  _receive_  a letter. And at the Gryffindor table, was one very frustrated Harry Potter.  
  
"For the last bloody time, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!" he finally snapped.  
  
Everyone stared. Hermione cleared her throat and cast a scolding look to those who had been pestering him. "Harry's right, all of you must stop this. It's foolish. It's only a letter, and I said all along that there was no way it could possibly--" Just then a red envelope smacked her in the face. Followed by a flurry of pink and red as envelopes came streaming through the Great Hall doors and charged to their owners, smacking every one of them in the face. The red envelope slid from her face to land in her lap and she blinked, completely astonished. "Work," she finished lamely.  
  
Ron burst out laughing. "Oh, that's bloody brilliant, 'Mione! You got smacked by an  _envelope_!"  
  
Hermione scowled at him as she plucked up her envelope. She glared at it and waved it in front of Ron's face. "Do you see this?  _This_  is the letter  _I_  wrote, and all it did was come straight back to me!"  
  
Harry blinked, "Er, 'Mione? How do you know that's the one  _you_  wrote? There's no telling the difference.”  
  
Just then Ron was smacked in the face with an envelope. Hermione for a moment looked at a loss for words. Then she huffed. "Oh, fine! I'll  _prove_  it, then!"  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Seamus get smacked with a pink envelope. He chuckled at his friend's flabbergasted expression.  
  
Hermione ripped open the envelope and pulled out the parchment, unfolded it, read the first line and...froze, eyes going wide.  
  
"Um...'Mione?" Harry asked cautiously. He tried peering over her shoulder but she suddenly folded it and shoved it back into the envelope.  
  
Hermione was still wide eyed and she glanced first at Harry, then at Ron. And her eyes widened further when she saw Ron eagerly tearing open his own envelope. "NO!" she yelped.  
  
Ron looked up, startled. "What?"  
  
"Give me your letter, Ron!"  
  
"What? Have you  _completely_  lost your mind?!" Ron managed to exclaim as his letter was snatched out of his hands and suddenly Hermione was up and running out of the Great Hall. He looked at Harry, who was gaping at the doors. "What'd she do that for?"  
  
"I have...no clue," Harry said. But he was quickly coming up with an idea and a slow grin was forming on his face.  
  
"Well...bugger. I guess I'll have to go chase after her then," Ron grumbled.  
  
Just then Dean Thomas was smacked with a red envelope, and when he caught it, he glanced up and gasped. Harry looked at him curiously, "What is it?"  
  
" _Malfoy_  just got smacked with a  _red_  envelope!" he exclaimed.  
  
Harry, Ron, Seamus, and even Lavender swung about to face the Slytherin table and gaped. Indeed, the blonde was scowling as he yanked the envelope away from his face.   
  
Ron swung back around to Harry, "I thought you didn't give any to Slytherins!"  
  
"I  _didn't_ ," Harry insisted, just as surprised. But then he recalled Pansy and his face dropped. "Oh...Pansy asked for one, and when I wouldn't give one to her she threatened to make someone else give her theirs. She must have actually done it, then," he said.  
  
"Er, I don't think so, mate. Look," Seamus said, pointing.  
  
Pansy's face was red and she was glaring furiously at the red envelope that Malfoy was staring at, unopened.  
  
Harry blinked, "That doesn't look like a happy face."  
  
"Nope, definitely not," Seamus agreed.  
  
"Can't be hers then, can it?" Ron questioned.  
  
"Nope,” Seamus agreed again.  
  
"So...ugh, someone from another house is Malfoy's true love?!" Ron made gagging sounds.  
  
The reality of that sank in and everyone else made disgusted faces as well. Harry shuddered, "I feel sorry for whoever that is."  
  
Ron nodded sympathetically, then yelped and jumped up. "Shoot! Hermione's still got my letter!" he dashed out of the Great Hall.  
  
Harry watched with amusement, shaking his head.  
  
"So, is Hermione's and Ron's letters who I think their from?" Seamus asked with a grin.  
  
Harry grinned back, "Most likely."  
  
"Brilliant," Seamus said. He eagerly picked up his pink envelope, "And now to see who this is from..." He tore it open, yanked out the letter, and read it quickly. He grinned. "Wow...whoever this is is bloody perfect! I so accept!" But nothing happened. He looked quizically at Harry, "Isn't is supposed to tell me who it's from now?"  
  
"Er..." Harry blinked. "I don't really know. Fred and George just said it's supposed to lead you to--" and just then the letter tugged in Seamus's hands and the boy fought to hold onto it.  
  
"Hey, what the...?" and then he was jerked off the bench and was running down the length of the table, trying to keep up with the letter.   
  
Harry gaped. He looked around to see that several other people were being tugged out of their seats and were running around the great hall, trying desperately to hold onto their letters. Harry's gaze shot up to the front of the Hall to see that all of the teachers were standing and staring in shock at the display before them. Snape was scowling, McGonagall was gaping, Dumbledore looked amused, Filch looked disgusted and Hagrid was laughing outright.  
  
"Uh..." Dean yelped as he was tugged out of his seat. He only got a few feet before he collided with none other than Ginny, who had also been chasing after her letter. Their letters stopped tugging them. They stood there staring at each other, eyes wide.  
  
Harry couldn't believe it. Ginny was paired with Dean? He felt his heart clench. The two were staring at each other in surprise, but then Dean recovered and said something with a grin, and Ginny laughed and nodded and the two of them took seats further down the table. Harry slumped in his chair. He felt hurt. He looked around to see that everyone, even those not being smacked with letters or dragged about, were in conversation about the letters. He watched several couples join when their letters finally found each other.  
  
And that's when Harry realized he hadn't been smacked by an envelope. There were several, he noticed, who hadn't sent a letter but had received one instead. Not all the letters had a counterpart, then, but why wasn't the person who had gotten his being dragged towards him? He felt his heart clench again.  _What if she didn't accept me? Or what if...what if I don't have anyone?_  
  
The thoughts didn't help him any. And that's when Dumbledore decided to stop all the commotion, as it appeared almost everyone who had received a letter had found their counterpart. He stood up and walked to the podium. "Excuse me." That, of course, didn't get any attention. So he cleared his throat, cast  _sonorus_  and tried again. "SILENCE!"  
  
Everyone was jerked into silence. Even those still being dragged stopped screeching and sped up to find their match. When they did, they didn't even bother yelping their surprise at whoever it was. They simple sat in the nearest seat possible and looked at Dumbledore with wide eyes.  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat again. "All right, that is enough of that. I understand you are all very excited over these 'Love Letters' that have been spread about the school. Yes, I know about them, and if I hadn't I obviously would now know about them. In the spirit of the holiday, I felt it unnecessary to stop this particular Weasley Wizarding Wheazes product from being distributed. However, now that we are all, for the most part, settled down and partnered up, I expect the noise to diminish. You may of course leave early if you wish to talk to your partner, but I expect you all to be in class on time!"  
  
Everyone waited, but Dumbledore didn't say anything else. After a moment, Dumbledore stepped away from the podium and gracefully took his seat again, going back to his breakfast. Taking the cue, conversations broke out again, except this time it wasn't filled with screams and exclamations. Harry went back to pushing food around his plate. He suddenly felt depressed. He couldn't believe that it hadn't worked for him. Everyone else had been paired off, why not him?  
  
"Is that...oh Merlin, Malfoy's being dragged!" said Lavender from a few seats down from him.  
  
Harry's head shot up and he scanned the hall to see that, indeed, one very wide-eyed and flushed Malfoy was jogging to keep up with his letter. Now that everyone had paired up, Malfoy's path wasn't blocked by other students being dragged. In fact, his being dragged had caught the eye of...well...everyone, really. They were all staring at him. Pansy was glaring heatedly at him.  
  
Harry smirked, wondering what poor soul was destined to be with Malfoy. The blonde went up the length of Slytherin, crossed over to Ravenclaw...passing along the Professor's table...made a turn up between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff...there were several gasps. Harry watched as the blonde drew closer. The blonde was looking forward, around, trying to figure out where he was being led.  
  
Then Malfoy's eyes locked with his, and he gasped. His heels dug into the floor. "NO! Absolutely NOT!" he bellowed.  
  
Harry's eyes widened. Everyone's head had swiveled around with that exclamation and now everyone was staring at...Harry looked around... _oh, shite_  he thought....him. His head swiveled around to look at Malfoy again...who was  _really_  digging his heels into that floor now, and seemed to be jerking on his arm as though trying to let go of the letter, which apparently wasn't working. Harry's mouth opened in a silent 'O' and his eyes widened further. No, this wasn't happening. He couldn't believe it.  
  
"NO! Do you HEAR me you stupid FUCKER?! I REFUSE! I said I REFUSE this LETTER!!" Malfoy screamed. It was no use. He kept getting dragged. He stumbled as his knees buckled but quickly jerked upright and dug his heels in again...yet he was still dragged forward.  
  
Harry had he good sense to get up. Malfoy was getting closer, and he was starting to feel dread build up inside him. So he stood, holding his hands out in front of him as though to ward Malfoy off. He backed up....and stumbled over someone's books, which were sticking out from under the bench. He didn't bother getting up...he crawled. He scuttled backwards as Malfoy came closer...closer... _oh, god, don't be this cruel,_  he pleaded silently. Malfoy was sharing his look of horror.  
  
And then...Malfoy stumbled on the same books he had, and fell forward, trying to get his feet under him, but that  _damned_  letter decided to give one  _final_  jerk and...he went sprawling on top of Harry- _bloody-fucking-HATE-HIM-_ Potter. And the letter stopped jerking.  
  
There was dead silence. Malfoy slowly lifted his head, eyes wide with horror, to meet Harry's equally wide and horrified expression.

 

**********************

 **Part Three: A Reluctant Admission**  
  
*************************

  
  
Simultaneously...the boys leaped apart and jumped to their feet, the letter lying on the floor between them like the proverbial gauntlet. They were alike in their mutual wide-eyed gazes of stark horror. The Great Hall was completely silent. And then, there was a blood curdling scream. Both boys started and turned towards the sound, as did everyone else, to see Pansy Parkinson standing with a red face and shrieking in outrage.

"Harry- _bloody-_ POTTER?!" she shrieked as she stormed across the Great Hall. "Harry POTTER gave you a RED LETTER?!" came that shriek again. "You LIAR! You did this on PURPOSE! YOU....WANTED...DRACO...TO YOUR...SELF!" she screamed, panting in outrage. Her wand raised and she was almost to the Gryffindor table when suddenly she was hit with a  _petrificus totalus_  in mid-step and she went toppling to the floor with a comical thud. The two boys gaped at her, and then slowly everyone looked at the head table where the Headmaster stood calmly awaiting their attention.

When he had it, he cleared his throat. "Breakfast is dismissed and you are all to go to your common rooms until classes begin." Silence met those words and not a person moved. "Mister Potter, Mister Malfoy, come with me if you please," he said when no one moved. He turned and left through a side door, and it prompted Harry and Malfoy into action. They scurried down the aisle to the front of the Hall, only to be cut off by Snape, who entered the room before them. Behind them they could here the excited whispers and the many clatters of all the students trying to leave.  
  
Harry had been in this room once before, during the Triwizard Tournament, and wasn't surprised to see all the clocks and various artifacts that took up the better portion of the room. The Headmaster was standing in the middle of the room patiently, and Snape was off to the side with a fierce scowl on his face.  
  
Harry stood by the door, but Malfoy moved further into the room, if only to get away from Harry. No one spoke for several moments. Then Harry decided it was time for him to speak up. "Er...why did you want us to follow you, Headmaster?"  
  
There was a twinkle in the old man's eyes. "I thought that, should curses start flying, it would be safer away from the other students."  
  
Harry blinked. Malfoy scowled. Then Malfoy spun about and glared at Harry. "What was  _that_  Potter?!" he spat. "Trying to make a  _fool_  of me?!"  
  
Harry, startled, began to shake his head but then stopped himself and glared instead. "I don't need to,  _Malfoy_ , you do a fine job of that yourself. Shrieking like a baby," he taunted spitefully. His head was still reeling but he couldn't resist responding to the angry comments of the Slytherin.  
  
Malfoy took a threatening step towards him, but Dumbledore stopped him with a raised hand. "That is quite enough, boys. Now that we have gotten the insults out of the way, I must ask...Harry, did you tamper with that letter at all?"  
  
Harry looked insulted. "Of course not. As if I could anyway, it  _was_  made by Fred and George, after all."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled, "Yes, but I had to ask in any event. So it would appear, then, that the letter did as it was intended?"  
  
"No!" Harry said vehemently. "It was supposed to find the person who's my true love...that's what the red one's were for, and the pink one's were to fine someone perfect for a casual--"  
  
"I am quite aware of what the colors signify, Harry. If I were not aware, I would not have allowed you to hand them out as you did."  
  
"I would be greatly interested in knowing why you allowed such shenanigans to continue, Albus," Snape commented dryly.  
  
Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling again. "I thought it would be nice, in light of the upcoming war, to have a tension reliever such as this. I had not expected that the Weasley twins were actually capable of creating a product such as this that worked so magnificently," Snape snorted derisively, "yet apparently I underestimated them. It seems their brilliance knows no bounds when it comes to jokes, pranks, and the likes."  
  
Malfoy gaped at the old man. "You call this  _working_?!"  
  
"Ah...well...it appears to have worked for everyone except the two of you. Namely Harry, since I do not believe any of the Slytherins were permitted to participate in this activity. Bad form on your part, Harry, to not include all of the houses."  
  
Harry looked a bit ashamed. "I'm sorry, Headmaster. But er...why didn't it work?"  
  
"Well...I could go on with theories for hours and still not hit the source of the problem. Frankly, I am as baffled as the two of you are," there was another snort from Snape, "however what I  _do_  know is that every single student out there is pleased with the results. Some fine matches were made today. For instance, Miss Granger and Mister Weasley, if I am correct, are about to be discovered snogging in their common room as all the students return." Harry coughed at hearing the Headmaster say 'snogging.' "Miss Weasley and Mister Thomas make a nice match, don't you think?"  
  
Harry scowled. Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Ah, apparently you do not agree. Well, that is not a matter to discuss right now. Mister Finnigan and Mister Longbottom, although an unusual pair, will balance each other out nicely. Neville shall gain the confidence he needs from Seamus, I believe, while Seamus will be humbled by Neville's gentle nature. I am sure they will part on good terms, having both grown from the experience."   
  
Harry gaped. He hadn't even thought about who Seamus had ended up with. Neville? That made absolutely  _no_  sense to him. He hadn't even known Neville was into...boys.  
  
"Which leaves us to the two of you. Why, out of all those successes, were the two of you the  _only_  failure?"  
  
"Er..." Harry didn't have a clue. Neither, apparently, did one very annoyed Draco.  _Malfoy_  he told himself sternly. Crap. When did he start thinking Draco? Crap. He did it again.  
  
"Do either of you two, perhaps, harbor a secret crush on the other?" Dumbledore asked casually.  
  
"Absolutely not!" Draco exclaimed at the same time Harry shouted "No!"  
  
"Ah. Well then. I am at a loss." There was a decidedly amused tone to Dumbledore's voice and Harry didn't like it one bit.  
  
Then suddenly Snape stepped forward, holding a vial of something. He sneered at the two boys. "I have a solution to this, Albus, if you will allow me."  
  
"Hm, interesting. Yes, I can see where that might be necessary. You have my permission, Severus."  
  
And before either boy could question what the  _hell_  was going on, Snape had strode over to Harry, grabbed his jaw, forced it open and tips the vial over. Immediately, Harry's tongue felt loose. His eyes widened and he stared in horror at a smirking Potions Master. "Veritaserum!" he exclaimed, shocked.  
  
"It amazes me you could recognize it, Potter, with your horrible potions grades," drawled Snape.  
  
"Sorry, my boy, but I would rather not have the two of you cursing each other into oblivion this year. Harry, do you in any way like Draco Malfoy?"  
  
Harry fought it. He really did. For all of two second. "Yes." His eyes widened and he smacked his hands over his mouth. He did  _not_  just say that. Oh, he so did.  _What the bloody fuck? I've nev...nev...damnit! Since when did I start liking Dra...Malfoy!?_  
  
Malfoy sneered, disgusted, "Well, Potter, now we know why that damned letter went to me."  
  
"Actually, Draco, dear boy, we do not as of yet. You see, those letters were enchanted to find one's true love, not the person whom one harbors a secret crush on. Several of the students, I am sure, never knew they liked the other until their letters showed them they did," Dumbledore explained. He looked to Snape and nodded.  
  
Before he knew what he was about, Draco's jaw was forced open and his tongue was loose within seconds. He glared hatefully at his godfather.  
  
Albus Dumbledore looked rather amused as he asked, "Do you, Draco, like in any way Harry Potter?"  
  
Draco couldn't even fight it for an instant before he blurted out, "Yes." And his hands were clapped over his mouth much like Harry's were. Except now Harry was openly laughing at him. Draco glared. _I do no...no...damn it! Since when did I start liking Har...POTTER?!_  
  
"Ah, well, that is the first step. Denial, then admitting your feelings for one another. I believe six years of denial was long enough, don't you think?" Dumbledore tactfully ignored the glares he was receiving. "Harry, so that Draco understands your depth of feeling, please tell us what it is you like about our Draco Malfoy."  
  
Harry tried. He really did. But the veritaserum was a stronger opponent then any he had come across before. He spoke before he even thought. "His hair. It's incredible. It's slicked back but looks so soft and pale and oh god his skin is so pale but beautiful like alabastor and I bet it's like velvet and his body is just oh god so sleek but not weak at all and his eyes are gray and piercing and just suck me in and he's got the most incredible lips that curl up in a sneer that make me just want to kiss them and nibble until that sneer melts and--"  
  
"I believe that is enough, Harry, thank you." Dumbledore's eyes, Harry was sure, had never glittered with so much amusement. And Snape's...Harry would've been dead if looks could kill. And they could. But thankfully Snape wasn't a basilisk. Dumbledore turned to Draco, who was staring with wide eyes at Harry. Really, the boy's eyes couldn't possibly get any wider, could they? "And Draco, do return the favor and explain what you like about Harry Potter to us."  
  
"His eyes are green like the purest Slytherin color, so crystal clear and piercing and full of determination and hatred when he speaks to me just like Slytherin's should be and it just draws me in and I want to see that look over and over again. Merlin I'd do anything to see that look and then his hair oh I want to drag my fingers through it and try to make it stay flat though it would look horrible if it was but I just want to play with it and run my fingers through it and down his chest so toned and muscular without being bulky and those thighs are so nice clutching his broom making those smooth turns and flying so beautifully and I can just imagine his thighs gripping me between--"  
  
"Enough," this time Snape cut in, looking decidedly paler and very disturbed.  
  
Draco couldn't believe he'd just said that. Apparently, his eyes  _could_  get wider. As could, apparently, Harry's. The look those two gave each other was almost comical.  
  
Dumbledore certainly found it amusing as he chuckled. "Yes, you are quite right, Severus. That is all we need to know. Now...do you, Harry Potter, love Draco Malfoy?"  
  
"Yes," followed immediately by, "shite."  
  
"And do you, Draco Malfoy, love Harry Potter?"  
  
"Yes," followed immediately by, "FUCK!"  
  
"Well, Severus, I think that's good enough, don't you? Problem solved. Now, I have tea waiting for me in my office and I believe you have classes to teach? Yes? Very well, let us leave these two alone. I believe they are excused from their first two classes." And Dumbledore swept out of the room, and Snape, with a final disgusted glare at the two of them, followed, slamming the door shut behind him.  
  
Silence. Five seconds. Ten. Then they pounced. Another ten seconds and the rolling around on the floor trying to kill each other became frantic snogging. Thirty after that and they were practically tearing off their clothes. Another minute and...

*******************  
  
_**-Fin-**_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> First published in 2007, written as a Valentine's Day special one-shot. Had originally been broken into three chapters which I combined here. Originally cross-posted on SkyeHawke (doesn't exist anymore), ForeverFandom, and HPFandom. 
> 
> Reviews are always welcome and I hope you enjoyed this comical short!


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